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beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com

Beanz on Toast: August 2009

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Wednesday, August 26, 2009. A very special cyber friend suggested that I keep some of his favourite shirts and have a quilt made. I will be forever grateful to her because this is the end result of a labour of love. I contacted my local quilters guild looking for someone to do this for me, the lady that undertook the project wanted no money or reward, a lady I have never met in my life before, undertook this task as a labour of love. There are good people in the world. This is not what I ordered! I miss ...

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Beanz on Toast: October 2009

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Thursday, October 22, 2009. Distractions don't always work. I can't believe it has been so long since i update my blog. So all in all it has been a busy time, with some major milestones survived, so why does it not feel better? A fellow widow (a lot further along in her journey) told me one that the second 6 months are harder than the first and the second year is harder than the first. At the time I wondered how anything could be harder than the first 6 months of living without Brian. Afgelopen zomer ate...

beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com

Beanz on Toast: July 2009

http://beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com/2009_07_01_archive.html

Thursday, July 30, 2009. Learning to live in my skin alone. I am slowly trying to learn how to be "single", I am slowly trying to learn how to rebuild a life for myself. Since Brian died, I just do not feel like I belong here, I really have no sense of purpose or reason, I am really not sure why I would even want to learn how to do this alone. My new life. Like it or not, want it or not, I have no choice, THIS. I don't want to, I have to. On reflection, Brian had bought me more jewellery in the 6 months ...

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Beanz on Toast: And the tsunami rolls in

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Thursday, September 10, 2009. And the tsunami rolls in. In the last few weeks I have achieved so much, I finished work, closed down the office, did my first trip away since Brian died and have generally been feeling like I am starting to function rather than just existing. So, I have been moving forward and re-building this new, unwanted life of mine. Here I am - this is me. There's no where else on earth I'd rather be. Here I am - it's just me and you. And tonight we make our dreams come true. And tonig...

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Beanz on Toast: September 2009

http://beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com/2009_09_01_archive.html

Tuesday, September 15, 2009. I have let the dogs out for last "call", made sure windows and doors were locked, lights were off etc. many times before, but last night, it just struck me that I am the grown up now. Widowhood has stolen my eternal childhood from me. Then I got to pondering about the ways that widowhood has changed me physically. 1 I weigh 15 kgs lighter. 2 My hair has fallen out. 3 My body aches all over, all the time. 5 I have constant dark rings under my eyes. This is not what I ordered.

beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com

Beanz on Toast: On growing up

http://beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com/2009/09/on-growing-up.html

Tuesday, September 15, 2009. I have let the dogs out for last "call", made sure windows and doors were locked, lights were off etc. many times before, but last night, it just struck me that I am the grown up now. Widowhood has stolen my eternal childhood from me. Then I got to pondering about the ways that widowhood has changed me physically. 1 I weigh 15 kgs lighter. 2 My hair has fallen out. 3 My body aches all over, all the time. 5 I have constant dark rings under my eyes. This is not what I ordered.

beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com

Beanz on Toast: The one year myth and other stories

http://beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com/2011/08/one-year-myth-and-other-stories.html

Tuesday, August 2, 2011. The one year myth and other stories. Wow, it turns out I was no good at blogging. October 2009 my last update. I would like to say that it is because I got a life and because I was healing, but the reality is that I just did not have the energy or the will. My road has been long and complicated. I guess I survived my first Christmas and New Year, so hard, starting a new year without him. No Christmas tree or presents, I rolled into 2010 feeling so hopeless and helpless and sad.

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Beanz on Toast: Missing

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Saturday, August 1, 2009. But added to that I miss us,. I miss who I am with him, I miss the emotional intimacy that we had, I miss the half of me that made me smile when I didn't feel like it, I miss planning holidays that we would like, I miss having someone to make decisions with. I have never felt so alone in this world as I do now, even in a room full of people that care. I miss Brian, I miss us and I miss me. August 1, 2009 at 6:15 PM. Keep breathing, deep breaths. Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom).

beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com

Beanz on Toast: Distractions don't always work

http://beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com/2009/10/distractions-dont-always-work.html

Thursday, October 22, 2009. Distractions don't always work. I can't believe it has been so long since i update my blog. So all in all it has been a busy time, with some major milestones survived, so why does it not feel better? A fellow widow (a lot further along in her journey) told me one that the second 6 months are harder than the first and the second year is harder than the first. At the time I wondered how anything could be harder than the first 6 months of living without Brian. And you are right -...